Wednesday, July 1, 2015

ADS - Abbott Derangement Syndrome

Remember that tweet from journalist and the ABC's Insiders program regular, George Megalogenis, the one that sent twitter into a storm in May? For mine, it presents as a clear and definitive example of Abbott Derangement Syndrome.
It appears that members of the Media Entertainment and Arts Alliance (the union and professional organisation that covers everyone in the media, entertainment, sports and arts industries) are the social group most susceptible to the condition. As borrowed from another victim from across the briny seas, I offer a hybrid definition and explanation of the condition: 
Abbott Derangement Syndrome (or ADS) is a loss of the capability for rational thought. This loss is often displayed over a period of hours, days or even months and years. Akin to an onset of paranoia in otherwise normal folk to the policies, the Prime Ministership and very existence of Tony Abbott. The sufferer, in all cases, blames Tony Abbott for just about anything that makes for news on the ABC or Fairfax sites and press, including but not limited to, all types of disasters, human and social maladies. Examples include, blaming Tony Abbott for controlling the minds of sportsmen like Adam Goodes and the spectators, believing that Tony Abbott is responsible for the rise of ISIS, The Lindt cafe seige and cyclone Yasi in 2011 - acute sufferers have even concluded a link to cyclone Mahina in 1899...ADS is also manifested in many sufferers by a determination to label Tony Abbott as the greatest single threat to Australia since John Howard. He is oft linked to the likes of George Pell, Rupert Murdoch and Margaret Thatcher ..  
For those of you happy to live with the condition and, perhaps as a way to further an agenda, I have devised a parody of one line news commentaries as fodder for bringing you together and energise your cause.

  • Tony Abbott urges pensioners to get back to work citing budget debt and deficit 
  • Tony Abbott calls on Australians to forget the human cost of detention centres and war
  • A spiritual faith group reports that Tony Abbott was “chosen by God” to lead Australia
  • Tony Abbott proposes lifting the retirement age to 84
  • Tony Abbott suggests that Australian society would be best served through the embracement of biblical marriages not same sex marriage
  • Tony Abbott overheard joking about climate change, children in detention, boat people, Indonesia, the absence of WMD’s in Iraq, gays and Guantanamo Bay torture techniques
  • Tony Abbott shortlists Dick Cheney to act as a foreign advisor for Operation Sovereign Borders
  • Tony Abbott hints at the ADF being the military wing of the LNP
  • Tony Abbott names the site of Australia’s first nuclear power station
  • Tony Abbott launches his new book, ‘THE NEW ANGLOSPHERE CENTURY”
  • Tony Abbott overheard saying, “where are the carriers” upon being questioned about China’s island building in South China sea
  • Tony Abbott reportedly sought Israel’s Benjamin “Bibi” Netanyahu's advice for taming the influence of the progressive left
  • Tony Abbott suggests that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was wrong to award Cate Blanchett the Oscar for Best Actress in 2014
  • Tony Abbott says he enjoyed American Sniper almost as much as he enjoyed Ben Hur
  • Tony Abbott says that the new human right is property rights
  • The CSIRO and SBS ought be privatised say Tony Abbott
  • Abbott Abbott Abbott

On a good note, George Megalogenis may, at last, have found a relationship between football crowds and Prime Ministers, a connection that has previously eluded psychologists, sociologists, anthropologists and historians alike ...

But the good news is that there is hope for sufferers with new treatment options now coming online:
  • For mild cases, Aspro Clear taken morning and night has proved beneficial.
  • For moderate cases, Dispirin or Bex taken at bedtime has yielded positive results and 
  • For acute sufferers, all of the above, with the addition of one (1) Alka Seltzer when the paranoia first presents
  • Long time sufferers have also reported an improvement in their condition following the act of contrition (confession) and acceptance of Holy Communion at their local Catholic parishes...
If you are thinking of accusing me of failing to stay true to this blog's goal of providing, "intelligent and informed political discourse", I beg forgiveness however, I have added a new label specific to this post, humour ...  

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